We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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