He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're too hungover to prance.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
