mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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