I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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