Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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