Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
