I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
