he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize