Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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