So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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