We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
