Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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