she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I could fuck to npr.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
