Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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