i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize