Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
