Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want her autograph on my taint
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
