Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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