I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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