booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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