I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would ride that face into the sunset
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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