on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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