i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
