While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He better not be in your backpack
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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