Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
