i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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