There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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