Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
