I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
