Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
