why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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