Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
