If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
