I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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