I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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