You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
