i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
