I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i think my cat just said my name.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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