forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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