why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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