So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
