I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
