Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
