Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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