shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Define "chronic" masturbator.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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