hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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