I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
