Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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