I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I want is dick and wine.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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