rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
