I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
