It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
