dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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