Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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