I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
