Can i not drive my cunt home
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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