make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
