You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
