I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
