I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
