Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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