If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
