I'm passing your future prison.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The power of my boobs compel you
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
