Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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