The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
