Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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