you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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