bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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