lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
