I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
