nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
