My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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