just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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