Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
