Don't make out with my wife yet
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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