I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
