I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
