You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
