Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
