Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
