i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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