He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Vodka?
Forever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
