yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
